Dear Tiggy,
After a ten-year hiatus, I (a woman) have started dating a woman. This is not the problem; in fact, this is wonderful. The issue is that when I was a teenager, I never felt the need to come out to my family, and now that I am older, I think that it’s high time, uncomfortable though it may be.
Now, this woman is wonderful, but my decision to come out at this time is one that I’m making because it’s time. How do I manage this in such a way that it doesn’t put an undue pressure on this very new relationship? I don’t want her to feel the responsibility for what I’m dealing with family-wise, as it doesn’t really have anything to do with her.
—Late Bloomer
Well…doesn’t it? I mean, it’s a pretty big coincidence that you feel it’s time to come out at the very moment you start dating a most fabulous woman (congrats, by the way!).
She’s dating you, and that means all of you — your whole, wonderfully complicated package. She’s dating a woman who has been comfortably out to herself, and possibly her friends as well, for years and years, but not out to her family. Your new belle is probably having a great time getting to know your interesting self, and this is part of that. Not only can she handle it, I’ll bet she’s enjoying the ride. Creating bonds with someone is as messy as a Gallagher show, but if she couldn’t take getting splashed with watermelon juice, she wouldn’t have bought a ticket.
Aside from the above acceptance and lezzie-faire attitude, you can feel free to put off introducing her to your family for a bit. Your relationship is still in its burgeoning stage and your family probably wants to chew on your news on their own timetable. When she doesn’t have to manage your family’s feelings but also isn’t “shielded” from yours, you’ll know you’ve hit the right balance.
© 2011 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.