December 10, 2013

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I just transferred to a new college and have experienced a huge amount of discrimination by both the straight and the gay communities. As a musical theatre major, I am used to a lot of tolerance. Here, however, I have been told that I must be overly promiscuous, flaky, illegitimate, and a burden to the gay community. I’ve never felt so hurt and alienated.

I am very comfortable with my sexuality and I just want to be able to focus on my career without worrying about labels. I am proud and I want other bisexuals at my university to feel like it is okay to be who they are. Do you have any suggestions for spreading awareness throughout my campus without offending the gay community and becoming a social pariah to the people I support fully? I thought we were all in this together.

-Nell

Nell, ask yourself: “Why would dispelling hurtful myths about my community offend gays?”

Here’s another thing to ponder: why would you fully support those who you think are offended by your very existence?

I’m making two points here. The first is that we need to be ever-vigilant about battling internalized biphobia. By the way you’ve worded your letter, I sense some of that sour thinking is starting to seep into your brain. Stay aware of it and be sure to raze that mess before it hits your heart. We need your spirit to be strong for the challenges ahead!

My second point is something I learned at a (non-physical) self-defense seminar that I took at the Harvey Milk School in San Francisco many years ago: perpetrators are cowards. They seek out victims who will be easy to overpower. Therefore, since everything about my presentation as I walked down the street said, “I’m just trying to get to my destination. I don’t want any trouble,” I was unwittingly making myself the perfect victim to potential aggressors.

I learned that this lesson holds true for any antagonizer. Sending the message “I don’t mean to provoke your ire with who I am” leaves you quite vulnerable to people who have made it clear that they don’t respect you. In a nutshell, you have to know deep down that being bisexual is super cool and let that radiate from your soul. (You can fake it ‘til you make it, though.) Only then will you feel no need to apologize for it.

With that attitude mastered, I’d say it’s time for you to organize. I see that your school doesn’t have an LGBT activity group as one of its intercultural programs. What a fantastic opportunity for you to start one! It can be a conversation group that sometimes does educational projects, too. You’ll get the support you need, give other bisexuals support, and meet lots of lesbians, gays, and trans* folks who are terrific allies to the bi community. You’re going to feel so much better when you find some LGTs who really get you. Trust me, there’s a whole lot of them out there.

Fighting biphobia is tough work and you don’t want to go it alone. We are all in this together — so get together with the other queer peeps at your school and start building that community you envisioned.

Yeah…yeah, you’re RIGHT, Madonna, I’m NOT sorry. And DON’T hang your shit on me. Thank you.

Now get on out there and find your fellow B(ee)s.


© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

July 9, 2013

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

Is it possible to discern whether you’re bisexual or pansexual? I know that I’m attracted to both traditional genders, but when I think about it truly, if I really loved someone I don’t think that gender would be an obstacle whether s/he was pre/post op, or whatever. I know labels aren’t important and blah blah blah, but I feel like it’s important to who I am.

I just want to be able to identify myself as one or the other. I wish my sexuality could just fit into a neat little box and I could call it what it is. Any guidance?

-Confuzzled

I am watching in horror as you unwittingly wander onto a minefield.

Read this now. No, I’m completely serious: click on the link, read the entire webpage, and when you’re done, read it again for good measure. And that goes for everyone, not just the letter writer. Yes, you. Yes, it’s that important. You’re probably not gonna understand the rest of what I say if you don’t, so go on and get it over with.

The label “bisexual” does not, in any manner, mean “someone who does not have romantic and/or sexual relationships with trans* or genderqueer people.” So, dear Confuzzled, that answers that. Blogger ChristineLeeM characterizes bisexuality as loving people of genders similar to and dissimilar to oneself, while she defines pansexuality as being gender-blind in one’s love. These inoffensive denotations might help you in better defining your personal sexual identity.

As for the larger issue, I’m sure you’re now realizing that this is a Big’ Ol’ Damn Deal in the non-monosexual community. I won’t bother to repeat anything that’s already been said on this vicious, biphobic myth surrounding the “bisexual” label and those who use it. (…although I can’t help but give a shout-out to blogger Even Aud’s recent post on the topic: “Your need for purity, for a Bi-free zone, the need to have a sexuality that you can crap on to make yourself look good, does not concern me.” Heh.) But I will ask you all to join me in pledging the following whenever this topic re-rears it’s particularly ugly head…

We’re not going to do this. We’re not going to turn on each other. We’re not going to let anyone pit us against the trans* community. We’re not getting suckered into making fools of ourselves by putting on a petty, pedantic in-fighting show. And we’re not going to accept anything less than mutual respect and solidarity from ourselves.

© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

June 11, 2013

Posted on by asktiggy

Strap your helmets on, Wild Deuces, because Tiggy is answering a couple of sports questions on this two-fer Tuesday.

Dear Tiggy,

My 16-year-old boy just told our family that he is bi, which is okay with me. He is currently in a monogamous relationship with a girl, who knows how he feels. None of his other friends know. He plays competitive sports and my husband now tells him that he should no longer shower in the locker room with the guys as he has always done, since it is not fair to the other guys. I think that this betrays a bias my husband – who otherwise seems to support my son – subconsciously holds. What is the protocol for the locker room?

-S.A.

Perhaps you’ve heard the old adage about homophobia? It’s the fear among straight men that gay men will treat them the way they treat women. A little kernel of truth in there, eh?

The protocol for your son in the locker room is the same it ever was. I don’t think your husband has even thought this through. If your son suddenly declines to shower with his teammates, does he honestly think that will go unnoticed? Is he suggesting that your son out himself? It’s pretty clear that he’s not comfortable doing that yet, as he hasn’t.

Has your husband considered that a shower embargo might put your son in danger of being bullied? Or that he’s projecting how he thinks he would have felt as a teenager in a locker room full of girls, and his son doesn’t exactly feel that way? Or that statistically, there’s almost no way his son is the only bi/gay guy in that locker room?

I do applaud your husband for being otherwise supportive. Right now, he’s viewing this from the perspective of the straight teenage guy that he was. I think an ongoing process of gently nudging him to see things from his son’s perspective would be the best plan.

Dear Tiggy,

I just came out to my dance team that I am bi. My coach said she doesn’t believe in bisexuality, that it’s a phase and I need to choose whether I like girls or boys. She tries to tell me that I just date boys because of the pressure, but I respond that that’s not true; I have fallen in love with boys and I am attracted to males. I am also attracted to girls. She doesn’t seem to get that.

I’m very close to her. How do I have her understand more that it is possible to like both sexes?

-Kait

It’s not your place to educate this adult. It is her duty as a coach to nurture your personal development, or at least not disrupt it, and she’s failing in that.

If you’ve shared with your parents that you’re bisexual, you need to tell them about this ongoing debate with your coach. One or both of them should have a conversation with her – the kind where your parents talk and she listens. They have to let her know that they don’t appreciate her trying to inappropriately influence you with her wrongheaded ideas about sexuality. You’re bisexual, it does exist, and no one gives a rat’s rear what Coach Fussybritches believes. And if they (your parents) hear about even one more incidence of this, there will be consequences. Boom, drop the mic.

I’m guessing you don’t want to get your parents involved or hurt your relationship with this coach. The thing is, as close as the two of you are, she can never really be your “friend” the way your peers are. She’s your coach and filling that role comes with certain responsibilities. If your parents don’t know that you’re bi, please explain this situation to your academic advisor, school nurse, older cousin or aunt, or some trusted adult who can straighten her out.

© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

May 28, 2013

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

My name is Jessica and I’m 18 years old. Up until now, I identified as straight and never questioned it. But last year, I started developing feelings for two female friends of mine, so over the past month I’ve begun identifying as bisexual.

My uneasiness is that I’m afraid that it’s just a “phase” and that sometime in the future, I’ll be straight again. I’ve told a few close friends about this and they are all supportive of my feelings, but my mom believes that it’s a phase and that I’m just being a teenager.

My feelings for these girls are different than how I’ve liked guys: not as intense, not quite as sexual, but I still like them more than any of my other female friends. It’s more than just wanting to be their close friend.

If my bisexuality is a phase, I want to stop it and just be straight. I don’t like being in-between, if that makes sense. I don’t feel the same sexual tension around the girl I like than I have around a boy I’ve liked, and sometimes I worry that that means I’m not really bisexual. Any thoughts on the subject would be unbelievably helpful. Thank you.

-Jessica

Let’s unpack the idea of a “phase,” shall we?

If a woman has romantic relationships and sex with only women throughout her adolescence and adulthood until, at age 42, she falls in love with a man and has a monogamous marriage with him for the rest of her life, was her lesbianism just a phase? Or was her attraction to that man just a phase, cut short by her untimely demise at age 94?

If a man has sex with exactly the same number of men as women, dates exactly the same number of men as women, and has equally long relationships with — you guessed it — exactly the same number of men as women, is he in a phase? If so, which part of his behavior is the phase?

What kind of dating involving trans, genderqueer, or intersex people is considered a bisexual phase?

If roughly as many gays and lesbians decide to have relationships with the opposite sex as bisexuals decide to identify as homosexual, why isn’t homosexuality labeled a “phase”?

What is the time limit on a phase? What is the maximum number of relationships in a phase? How many discrete stints of dating a particular gender of person does it take to graduate from a phase?

You’re getting my point, I’m sure. When it comes to bisexuality, the “phase” label is arbitrary, yet never in our favor. It is true that people at certain points in their lives – particularly teenagers – go through developmental stages and experiment with various behaviors and points of view. However, you will not find a shred of scientific research that portrays bisexuality as a developmental phase.

When something as ubiquitous as this theory does not bear out by logic, you know that the answer is emotional. Only a painful history of bisexual oppression explains this ever-present, condescending label. It is a moniker put upon us by others who are not allies. Its intention is to debilitate us as a community, as people. Regrettably, many of us have internalized it.

As to whether you personally are experiencing a phase, my answer is that it doesn’t matter. I apologize for the cliché but life really is about the journey, not the destination. Whether you’ll feel this way in a year, or ten years, or forever, or only until 4:38 p.m. on Thursday is of little consequence. You feel this way now. Your life is now.

Jessica, there is little choice in having these feelings, but you possess all the agency in how you respond to them. Thus far, you’ve shown real honesty and courage. Keep going, you’re doing great.

© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

March 19, 2013

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’m a bi woman currently dating a man who I love. We’ve been together for two years and we’re talking about getting married. I don’t feel ready yet though because I never thought I’d marry a man. I always pictured myself marrying a woman. (I live in Canada where that’s possible.) Now that I’m dating a man so seriously, I’m having a couple of problems…

A) I find it harder to come out because there are even more assumptions that I’m straight.



B) People in the queer community think I’m straight until I bluntly tell them I’m bisexual. It’s annoying to have to educate even my own community.



C). I am having a really hard time meeting other bi or lesbian women. It seems most women my age are getting married and having children and don’t have time to join LGBTQ social groups. I deeply miss the company of other gay women.



D) The thought of “passing” as heterosexual for the rest of my life bugs the crap out of me, but how loudly must I declare my sexuality, and how often? I’m also afraid this problem will worsen if I marry my boyfriend.



E) I haven’t had many opportunities to date women. I feel isolated and like I’ve “failed” in my life’s mission because of this. At least if I’d done a bit of serious dating of other women (and this was NOT for lack of trying), I’d be able to say, “Well, I’ve done this and now I can decide if it’s okay for me to marry a man because I’ve had the opportunity to have good relationships with women, too.”



F) The support of my heteronormative relationship with my boyfriend is more comfortable than the difficulty of trying to play a male role and then forgetting that I need support too (which happens to me with women). But still I know I’m missing out on that side of myself, which I feel needs development

G) I feel like I need to “make up my mind” about whether or not I’m going to marry my boyfriend. I’m worried that doing nothing (my current strategy) will inevitably result in us getting closer and closer until I decide I love him so much I’m going to marry him. But then I will never have the opportunity to marry a woman, it will be done. But I don’t want to leave him either. But not leaving him leads to the path of marrying him if I take that forward to its logical conclusion. I’m sure you see the debate.



H) My boyfriend thinks being poly will solve all of this. He is A-OK with me dating women with or without his involvement. But I have had trouble finding poly women to date. I’m afraid I won’t find someone and then I’ll be in a relationship which is monogamous and heterosexual, which I won’t like.



I) Even if I find a woman to date while being married to my boyfriend, I’ll still be missing out on having a primary relationship with a woman and marrying a woman.



J) I would only tell close friends about my girlfriend, which would still leave me feeling the total lack of social recognition for my love of women, and for my relationship with any future girlfriend.







Why is our society so against polyamory? Because if it weren’t and everyone was accepting and awesome, I might not have this debate. Oh, and you’re awesome.

-Mary

I appreciate that you think I’m awesome and hope that you would continue to think so even if, say, hypothetically, I have to be harsh on you for your own good. (Wow, foreboding sucks. That opening sentence was like starting off with, “No offense but…” Probably I should have just said, “Brace yourself, Mary.”) Being awesome appears to come easily to some but, not unlike Bleeker in Juno, I try really hard, actually.

OK, brace yourself, Mary (yeah, now, see? That was better):

A.) & D.) Read this. BONUS: you are not alone! Not even a little!

B.) Yes, even queers can be heterosexist. It is annoying to have to school people. We all have a cross to bear.


C.) The Boston bi women’s community has found a lot of success in holding monthly potluck brunches. Folks come for various reasons but there are a fair amount of bi women in monogamous relationships with men who use the brunches as their queer female oasis. Contact the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network (BBWN) for tips on how you can replicate the model in your area.

E.) So as you’re figuring out how to fulfill your desires in an optimal manner, keep in mind that breaking it off with your boyfriend solely to pursue a relationship with a woman may result in no relationship at all, despite your best efforts.

F.) Please read what you wrote for “F” over and over until you realize that this is not a problem.

G.) “I’m worried [that we will get] closer and closer until I decide I love him so much I’m going to marry him.” I can’t imagine how you go on with this terrifying reality on the horizon. See above.

H.) Start a gratitude journal. This will develop your skills in identifying things that are not problems but, in contrast, super-fantastic, like landing a partner who is supportive of a poly lifestyle that will likely facilitate fulfilling certain desires.

I.) Perfect segue to introduce my favorite life lesson: Being an adult is about Shitty Choice A versus Shitty Choice B. Or, the Mary version: Pretty Excellent Choice A versus Still Really Good Choice B.

J.) This might be a real problem but if it is, it’s of your own making (because in this scenario, you’re choosing not to be out to all of “society”). Which means you can solve it whenever you want. Good attempt at having a problem, though.

Mary, you’re asking how you can have the whole smorgasbord of relationship experiences, even the ones that are mutually exclusive. You can’t. Life doesn’t often allow you the option of “all of the above.” And every choice you make will have cons to go with its pros.

My practical advice is to stick with what sounds like a terrific boyfriend. You love each other, he’s open to polyamory, and leaving him does not guarantee that you’ll find a fitting female partner. More to the point: does breaking up with a loving partner just to fulfill some personal gender scorecard sound stupid? Maybe because…it is?

© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

December 11, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

When I was first starting to come out (which took an alarmingly long time, thanks to that weird myth that teenaged girls having feelings for other girls is “just a phase,” and the lack of information on bisexuality in my very liberal universe), my school had just started its GSA.

The teacher who ran it was an outspoken proponent of gay rights and we all looked up to her a great deal. However, when I asked her if there were resources or group meetings for bisexuals, I was told dismissively that if the person was mostly gay they could go to gay support groups, while if they were mostly straight they didn’t need them.

Although I was too shy and uneducated about the topic to say anything then, I felt angry and hurt. I knew enough to know that what I was feeling was not the same as being gay and that my concerns and questions were worth addressing. It was the first time I was written off for being bisexual, and although it wasn’t the last, it was the most hurtful.

I’m happily out to pretty much everyone now, including the man I’m going to marry. I’ve considered for a while now sending her a message telling her that she hurt me. She is no longer leading the GSA but I feel somewhat compelled to educate her about the issue. Then again, it’s been almost four years since this happened and we don’t really talk ever. Is it worth bringing it to her attention, or will it just make me look petty or insecure? How far should we as bisexuals go to educate those around us?

-Katie

How far each of us goes to educate others about bisexuality is a very personal choice, and one that is sensitive to circumstances. In your case, it sounds like you need to get this off your chest. I say: do it. But how you say it takes some consideration.

If your goal is to let her know that what she said was especially hurtful to a vulnerable, just-coming-out bisexual teen, then you’ll easily accomplish that. If your goal is to educate her on bisexuality, I’m afraid that has a high failure-rate. Approaching someone you don’t really even know anymore with an attitude that you’re curing their ignorance is never taken well.

Keep in mind that when you challenge or debate someone, you’re not just doing it to change your opponent’s mind, but you’re also trying to persuade all of the people witnessing the exchange. The latter is more likely to work and helps a lot more people.

I suggest that you write an essay for Bi Women, the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network newsletter, about the incident with this teacher and how you processed it. (Submit by February 1st so it gets into the spring issue.) Then, send a paper copy and/or the weblink of the issue to your alma mater’s GSA. Encourage them to have a discussion on your article and on how bisexuals feel in the queer community today. It would be even better for all of the queer kids at your old school if you went the extra mile and donated a copy of Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World as well.

If you think that your former teacher has any chance of seeing the article or hearing about the GSA conversation, you owe her the courtesy and respect of being direct about it. At the same time that you mail the article to your GSA, mail another copy to the teacher with a short, handwritten note. Tell her you wrote an essay that includes an uncomfortable exchange you two had and you hope that relating this experience opens an important dialogue among the queer students currently at your school. Be gracious: tell her that it’s not your intention to make her feel bad about what transpired between you many years ago. Instead, you feel this is an excellent opportunity for discussion.

And that’s how you get closure while turning a bad experience into a positive one for young bisexuals. Nothing petty or insecure about acting classy, girl.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

November 27, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’m a man in my 20s who is very likely bisexual with a slight leaning towards women. From all outward perspectives, I’m a traditionally masculine man and have no issues with dating women.

The thing is, I am going to attend cosmetology school and we all know there is a stereotype about men who are hairdressers. As stupid as it is, I’m really worried that if I am bisexual, women will just assume that I’m a closeted gay guy because of the double whammy of saying I’m bisexual and being a hairdresser.

I shouldn’t care what people think, but I still want to have a fairly wide dating pool of women. Of course, I’m probably the one who sounds bigoted by asking for advice about this.

-Ryan

Is “sincere, thoughtful dude asking a question to which thousands of people want an answer” the new definition of “bigot”? Ah, semantics, you shape-shifting chameleon in army fatigues.

I recently made a new friend on OKCupid who identifies as a lesbian. She said something typically fabulous, to which I responded that she is a truly righteous bi ally. She explained that she’s more than a bi ally – that, in fact, the only reason she doesn’t date men is because her “milkshake does not bring any of the boys to the yard.” For some reason, her milkshake appears to be only of interest to girls.

We all do this to some degree; we “market” ourselves according to our strengths. I’ve said before that how you identify sexually is typically based on your crushes, fantasies, romantic history, sexual activity, politics, culture, and your view of yourself. These many ingredients make up a fairly complex and subjective reality. At the end of the day, how you choose to identify comes down to how it makes you feel about yourself.

In the simplest terms, it seems that you’re grappling with feeling like you’re lying if you identify as straight vs. missing out on the lady hook-ups if you identify as bi. (And for any Pollyannas out there saying, “You wouldn’t want to have sex with a biphobe anyway,” well, that’s easy to say when you’re not jonesin’ for it. As the Bible tells us, let he who is holding an unwanted milkshake in an empty yard cast the first stone.) But you have a lot more options than that.

Read up on how other bi guys handle this issue in Getting Bi and start following the Facebook pages for the Bisexual Resource Center and Bisexual Men. You’ll quickly see that there are an array of labels that might work for you (including “no label”) and tons of choices for who, when, and how to disclose your sexual identity. I bid you go forth and identify yourself in the most personally authentic manner that scares away the least booty.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

September 18, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I am a 35-year-old single mother and I am bisexual. I do not shout it from the rooftops, nor do I hide my identity from anyone. I have dated both women and men in the past; my longest relationship with a woman was four years, and I have been married to a man. My children accept me for who I am, as do the other members of my family.

My issue involves people I’m dating, whether lesbians or straight men. I continue to get the same tired and overused remarks — from men and women — of how I just can’t make up my mind or how I am selfish. I have attempted to explain that when I am in a relationship, I am faithful and that, yes, I am attracted equally to both sexes. I am feeling so frustrated right now because it doesn’t matter who I talk to I seem to get the same rude response. I accept people for whom they are, and I do not believe that it is my responsibility to tell someone else who they can love or be attracted to.

Should I just give up on dating, period? I am so tired of people thinking that because I am bi, I am going to jump into bed with the next person that walks into my life.

-Star Bear

Girl, sometimes in dating, you can’t even count all of the things that make you want to just give the hell up. A quick break from dating to recharge might be just what the doctor ordered. But there’s no need to completely throw in the towel.

I find that most daters have a particular way of finding a partner that tends to work best for them. It’s possible that your newer ways of reaching out to potential love interests (At parties? Blind dates through friends? Online?) aren’t your jam, and it’s attracting the wrong kind of people for you. Evidently, you’ve enjoyed previous success in finding someone special, so whatever method you used to locate those past partners, keep using it.

Also, in my experience, the would-be lovers who I anticipate being biphobic typically aren’t, and those I think are going to be cool with it leave me saying, “Et tu, Brute?” Are all of the haters that you’ve run into somehow cut from the same cloth? Did their boorish retorts come as a surprise to you? It may be time to drop the kind of person you thought would be welcoming, and give a whole new breed of daters a fresh look.

At the end of the day, I can’t tell you to change your own behavior to elicit a better reaction because this isn’t about you; it’s about certain people’s ignorance, fear, and stereotyping. That said, the best thing you can have going for you when you come out is friendly confidence. It will convey that it isn’t a big deal. And if they still give you a bad reaction, that friendly confidence will allow you to cut them dead immediately, and tell them exactly why.

Of course, if all you’re looking for is a snappy comeback, there’s always this.

Here’s the most important thing: there’s a whole bisexual community just waiting to trade dating horror stories with you. Find us and let us support you! And do I even need to say that you’re likely to find some non-biphobic dates among us, too?

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

August 23, 2011

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Wild Deuces,

It occurs to Tiggy that there is a lot of bad advice out there, confusing the lot of us and putting a wrench in our interpersonal relations, bisexual or otherwise. From antiquated myths to advisors with the occasional blind spot, there’s no lack of sources for these counterproductive ideas and it’s tough not to adopt those that we’ve heard over and over.

So I thought that instead of answering questions on this Tuesday, I’d instead squash some of the worst offenders in one fell swoop. Won’t that be cathartic? Here goes…

Intimacy cannot be measured in time. Relationships cannot be judged by length.

Perhaps not having had a long-term relationship is an indicator that there’s something holding you back. Perhaps it’s an indicator that you exit unhealthy relationships at the right time. Either is as likely as the other.

There’s a difference between privacy and shame.

If all of your friends have met someone (or many someones) and you haven’t, the most likely reason is that while there’s a lot of what they’re looking for, there’s comparably less of what you’re looking for.

Just because someone doesn’t date or have sex – with a specific kind of person or at all – doesn’t mean they don’t want to.

Problematic dating behavior doesn’t necessarily stem from past trauma.

There are circumstances when it’s OK to break up with someone over the phone.

You can end a relationship for virtually any reason. You do not lose your right to do so because the person in question has not hurt you.

Dating online is not for losers, nor does it indicate a participants’ mindset of ordering off a menu.

You will grow out of dating obnoxious people with whom it will never work. You will be attracted to other kinds of people.

Opposites might attract but they generally don’t get along.

There is no such thing as being “too picky.” If you wanted to be partnered more than you wanted to be happy, you’d settle.

Losing your virginity (which is a worthless construct anyway) beyond the drinking age is not at all uncommon and it’s not a reflection of your value as a lover, partner, or even eye-candy.

One of the best things about same-sex dating and relationships is that you aren’t bound to the bizarre social conventions and gendered behavior guidelines of opposite-sex dating. That said, you still need to treat your romantic counterpart as such, and not as casually as a friend.

© 2011 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.