Two-fer Tuesday, today on “Tiggy”!
Dear Tiggy,
My son is in love with bisexual girl. What are his chances for a relationship/long term happiness?
-Carla
Same as the rest of the human race.
Dear Tiggy,
What do you advise a bisexual woman (and mom) to do when she is in a committed and happy hetero relationship but is having very overwhelming desires to be with women?
From the beginning, my boyfriend was of the opinion that if you are in love it’s just the two of you. I was always like, “I need to be with women when I want to be.” But when we fell in love it was so different and wonderful that I just thought, “Who knows?”
For three years, I haven’t had any bi longings to speak of. Up until now, when I masturbated I thought about my boyfriend and, in particular, his very impressive endowment. I had never felt so straight in my life. I wanted him and only him all the time.
But the last few days have been like I’m on high bi-alert! Last night, I thought of an old female lover when I made love to my boyfriend and I feel guilty about that. I can’t stop thinking about female/female encounters. Every moment I am alone, I am on fire down there and I feel like I am just going to explode. I don’t know what to do.
-Beth
“The last few days”? You’re considering making a change to your happy relationship of three years over a feeling you’ve had for three days?
In that case, I confidently advise you to do nothing.
Masturbation is always a good idea so keep up the good work there. Fantasizing about someone else when having sex with your boyfriend…meh, it isn’t really a betrayal. No need to feel guilty; this ain’t 1984 so we’re safe from the Thought Police. (I mean, I’m sure the NSA knows the minute details of your lurid lady-dreams but you’re probably safe beyond anyone who can invoke the Patriot Act.)
If this bout of horniness really took you that suddenly and severely, you may want to get checked out by your doctor. You didn’t mention your age but could you be pregnant again? Or in menopause? Have you made any recent adjustments to your oral contraceptives? Physiological changes might not affect the content of your sexual longings but they could explain the abrupt overpowering urges.
Acting on these feelings right now is just a bad idea. You’ve got what sounds like a solid relationship with a guy who is unlikely to entertain any form of non-monogamy. If the bi-alert remains on “high” for weeks on end, then you can begin talking to him about your desires and whether you two might revisit the rules of your relationship. But opening it up in any form would require willing participants to be successful (so does monogamy, come to think of it) and based on your letter, I don’t see him reacting favorably to that suggestion. If your tsunami of lust returns to low tide, you’re going to wish you never brought it up.
Bottom line: do nothing, at least for now. I mean, cheese and crackers, you haven’t even given this thing a full week to sort itself out on its own. Just sit with it for a minute.
Louis C.K. expounds upon the virtues of being content with things as they are and also, just, you know, giving it a minute.
© 2014 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.