Dear Tiggy,
I’ve only come out as bisexual to a friend who I live near and see every day, and to some friends I made on a trip, so I’m still not really out. Recently, I had a huge ordeal: I asked a girl I really like to a school dance but I’ve found that I have a crush on another guy. How do I juggle the emotions I feel for my crushes of different genders?
Furthermore, I’m worried for my future. Can someone have a boyfriend and a girlfriend at the same time? How do I choose which gender I want to be with in a serious relationship?
-Frank
Dealing with crushing on different genders is essentially the same as doing so when all of your crushes are the same gender. For now, just enjoy it. Go to the dance with the girl and decide afterward whether you want to pursue something with her, the guy, a new crush, or none of the above. Feelings around love and sex might be a bit overwhelming but it’s really nothing to panic about.
Yes, a person can have more than one boy/girlfriend at the same time, regardless of gender; it’s called “polyamory.” To be perfectly polyamorous instead of a chump-style cheater (or something similarly unhealthy), be sure to follow the four tenets that Loving More proscribes: honesty and clear agreements among partners, mutual goodwill and respect among all involved, intense interpersonal communication, and high ethical standards. That said, it’s often difficult for high schoolers to find others interested in dating non-monogamously. You may have to bide your time until after graduation to find poly-dating peers.
(Hey, as long as we’re on the subject, this would be a good time to make sure you understand the difference between polyamory and bisexuality. Take a minute to check out the second paragraph of my answer here.)
As for your last question, don’t choose a gender to be with; choose a person. The cool thing about bisexuality is that you don’t have to limit your love by gender! Follow your crushes and see where they take you.
© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.