Dear Tiggy,
I’m being bullied for my sexuality, but it’s tricky: I’m a bisexual 14-year-old in northeast Louisiana. Recently, I came out to a friend who I trusted, but they told the entire school. Now that everyone knows I’m bi, I’ve been picked on for acting feminine. I’ve also been called things such as “faggot” and “whore” in front of teachers, who all turn their heads as the kids continue to bully me.
I would try to tell a counselor but my school is a predominantly Christian, homo/biphobic place. Not one adult there supports the LGBT community. Though I’m a larger, more muscular type of person, I’m very mellow, so I am trying not to let them instigate a fight. However, some students have tried to start fights and have threatened me.
What do I do?
—Special K
There are two major things to know:
You are not alone.
In December, a 17-year-old girl in Massachusetts was beaten up for being bi. The BRC made this video for her, and for all of the bullied bi kids out there. You can use the resources we talk about in the video to answer the questions you might have about being bi and to connect with our community. There are hundreds of thousands of us; in fact, bisexuals are the biggest group in the queer community. We’re here for you, Special K.
And you’re not alone as a bullied teen, either. Watch David Aponte’s video where he talks about being picked on for stupid reasons and then having adults at his school react inappropriately. Sound familiar? This happened and still happens to so many of us. The good news is that a confluence of events – including the many “It Gets Better” videos on YouTube, which you should also watch – has brought the issue of bullying to the forefront in this country and it’s not acceptable for adults to ignore it anymore. Which brings us to the second point…
You cannot go through this alone.
You have to tell your parents.
Hold up – you don’t have to come out to them. You just need to tell them that you’re being bullied. Tell them that random kids are calling you names and trying to get you to fight them. If they ask why kids are calling you “faggot” or saying that you act feminine, you can say: 1.) you don’t know, 2.) they’re jerks, 3.) they don’t even know what they’re talking about, or 4.) all of the above. Your parents already know that kids act like this, and that’s why they probably won’t even ask anyway.
I’m really hoping that your school is public because there are certain government standards by which they must abide. This law in Louisiana requires “local school boards to adopt policies prohibiting harassment, intimidation and bullying by students and protecting students and employees who report such incidents.” Your parents can bring this up at a school committee meeting or in a private meeting with your principal. I know it’s beyond embarrassing to have people at school know that your parents are sticking up for you, but they probably won’t know at all. It’s not like your parents are calling other kids’ parents.
In short, they need to bring this to the school’s attention and politely point out that the administration is required by law to do something. The school might then create a student-led anti-bullying group, show the movie “Bully” to the students and faculty, or hold some other awareness-raising program. Trust me, they’ll do something. They can be as backward as they want but let me tell you, there’s not a school in America that wants angry parents, bad press, or questions from government funders about whether they’re following the law. And once your school puts a focus on anti-bullying, the teachers will stop pretending that they don’t see it happening.
Here are some fantastic resources that your parents might be interested in: http://www.stopbullyinglouisiana.org/resources. Please tell them today, and let me know how it goes.
© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.