Dear Tiggy,
I’m a 17 year old male and I consider myself a biromantic homoflexible person. I have been biromantic most my life, having had romantic crushes on both males and females. But sexually, I was mainly homosexual until over a year and a half ago. In the past year or so, I have learnt that I am homoflexible: occasionally sexually attracted to the opposite gender, and predominantly sexually attracted to the same gender. I like to identify as queer as well.
I came out as bi to some friends to keep it simple, but am willing to elaborate if needed. I am wondering if you would consider “bi” to be an appropriate term. If a person is a biromantic heterosexual or homosexual, for instance, would it be practical for them to consider themselves straight/gay or bisexual? I know it would be up to the individual, but I was wondering if you have a stance on this as a bisexual.
-J
The only stance I have on this is how cool it is that you know yourself so well.
Labels of any kind can only be applied by the one wearing them. That said, a sexuality label not only helps you understand yourself better, it also helps others understand what you’re about and points you toward a community. The tricky thing, as you’ve discovered, is that your label for yourself isn’t necessarily one that most others can comprehend, nor is it always attached to an organized community.
Labels can sum up a part of you in a succinct word or two but when you end up having to deliver a lengthy explanation on it anyway, you begin to wonder why you even bothered with it.
So some queer folks pick the closest recognizable label and go with that for public purposes. Hey, that’s terrific! I like that you’re “willing to elaborate as needed” because it demonstrates that you’re not hiding anything, you’re just trying to make your life slightly less difficult. Thumbs up, Captain.
I humbly submit that the especially neat-o aspect of identifying as bi is that it’s all but assumed that you have another moniker tailored to your more specific sexual identity. Lots of us use the word “bi” as an acronym (B.I.) that stands for “Bi Inclusive” — that is, an umbrella term inclusive of all of the middle sexualities. As such, the bi community fully expects that you have a precise term for the kind of person you’re attracted to…and we each already have six or seven biromantic homoflexible friends!
I believe that most biromantic hetero/homosexuals identify as straight/gay out of practicality, but also because being bisexual still carries a stigma. Thus, it is evermore spectacular that you choose to identify as bi, thereby throwing a metaphorical wrench into the perpetual stigma machine (also metaphorical). But that’s just one Wild Deuce’s opinion. At the end of the day, your personal label is about what you’re most comfortable with, and everything else is just gravy.
Make YOUR own label!
© 2015 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.