Dear Tiggy,
Is it possible to discern whether you’re bisexual or pansexual? I know that I’m attracted to both traditional genders, but when I think about it truly, if I really loved someone I don’t think that gender would be an obstacle whether s/he was pre/post op, or whatever. I know labels aren’t important and blah blah blah, but I feel like it’s important to who I am.
I just want to be able to identify myself as one or the other. I wish my sexuality could just fit into a neat little box and I could call it what it is. Any guidance?
-Confuzzled
I am watching in horror as you unwittingly wander onto a minefield.
Read this now. No, I’m completely serious: click on the link, read the entire webpage, and when you’re done, read it again for good measure. And that goes for everyone, not just the letter writer. Yes, you. Yes, it’s that important. You’re probably not gonna understand the rest of what I say if you don’t, so go on and get it over with.
The label “bisexual” does not, in any manner, mean “someone who does not have romantic and/or sexual relationships with trans* or genderqueer people.” So, dear Confuzzled, that answers that. Blogger ChristineLeeM characterizes bisexuality as loving people of genders similar to and dissimilar to oneself, while she defines pansexuality as being gender-blind in one’s love. These inoffensive denotations might help you in better defining your personal sexual identity.
As for the larger issue, I’m sure you’re now realizing that this is a Big’ Ol’ Damn Deal in the non-monosexual community. I won’t bother to repeat anything that’s already been said on this vicious, biphobic myth surrounding the “bisexual” label and those who use it. (…although I can’t help but give a shout-out to blogger Even Aud’s recent post on the topic: “Your need for purity, for a Bi-free zone, the need to have a sexuality that you can crap on to make yourself look good, does not concern me.” Heh.) But I will ask you all to join me in pledging the following whenever this topic re-rears it’s particularly ugly head…
We’re not going to do this. We’re not going to turn on each other. We’re not going to let anyone pit us against the trans* community. We’re not getting suckered into making fools of ourselves by putting on a petty, pedantic in-fighting show. And we’re not going to accept anything less than mutual respect and solidarity from ourselves.
© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.