July 24, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’ve known I’m bi for pretty much forever, but did not come out until I was 18. I’m now 21 and looking for a life — or at least long-term, committed — partner. My parents are very accepting, with one catch…

My mom thinks that in being bi, you can choose whether to pursue your life with a man or woman –- not fall in love but choose, among those you love, which one to marry and spend your life with. And she thinks, given all the discrimination same-sex couples face, that I should choose a man. This, she says, is for my own sake as well as my future children’s.

Obviously, I disagree with her but I can’t articulate it well despite my repeated efforts. When she says this, I feel such a pressure to only pursue men but I have a definite preference for women. My resistance to pursuing men now has me questioning my orientation I’ve already switched my label to “queer” instead of “bi.” Advice?

-Inarticulate

Your mom reminds me a bit of this mom, in that they both just want their daughters to have the easiest lives possible. Good parents typically –- and irrationally –- want to eliminate every potential obstacle from their kids’ lives. Moms: they worry.

She might also be putting some of her own stuff on you. (I think sometimes we don’t realize that our parents are humans and have their own thoughts and feelings that they occasionally project onto others.) Maybe she married your dad because it was a rational choice but then ended up loving the hell out of him, and wants you to have that experience, too.

Maybe it’s the opposite and, in pure “Mom” form, she doesn’t want you to make the mistake she did. Maybe she was so smokin’ hot that she got to pick any spouse she wanted from a veritable smorgasbord of suitors, and assumes you will as well.

But you’re not her. You’re not even an extension of her. You’re you, and if you’re old enough to look for a committed partner, you’re old enough to do it without having your mommy tell you how.

The next time it comes up, recite this from memory: “Mom, I’m going to date whoever I’m interested in, regardless of gender. Let’s talk about something else.” Explaining it to her isn’t working and it’s making you insecure. Stay away from queer theory convos with her for now.

And, hey, consider slowing your roll. If you’ve announced to her your intention to find a life mate at the tender age of 21, you might have thrown her into a panic of thinking this is her only chance help you make the right choice. I’d suggest approaching dating a bit more casually, at least when you’re talking to your mom.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

July 23, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’m a 31-year-old male married to a woman. I’ve always been pretty out with my bisexuality and found the gay community astonishingly closed-minded. This is about my parents, specifically my dad.

When I lived at home, I truly believe that had I tried to explain that I was bisexual and heteroromantic, I would have been kicked out. Now I’m more financially stable than my parents and several states away. I’ve been wanting recently, especially now that I’m married, to officially state to them what my orientation is. I’m sure my mom already knows and couldn’t possibly care less. She’s cool like that.

However, my dad is very religious and I think it would simply hurt him. I’m not sure if he could even understand it if I explained it to him. Lately, it’s been gnawing away at me as we’ve gotten a bit closer in recent months. I don’t know if I should just suppress it and spare him, or let it out and feel better. I’m not sure how much it would hurt him or how much it would help me. What do you think?

-Anthony

Coming out in the societally proscribed manner of sitting people down, pausing dramatically, and trumpeting, “I AM A BISEXUAL” isn’t for everyone. There are so many ways to let friends and family know that side of you. I think that in coming out to your father, you should think outside of the box.

It sounds like you’re ready to come out to your mom, so go for it. And here’s a thought: if you think it will empower her (as opposed to burdening her), tell her that you don’t have any plans as of yet to come out to your father, but you don’t mind if she tells him. Not only are you saving her from the uncomfortable position of keeping a secret from him, but you’re also allowing the person who knows him best to present the information in the most palatable way (if at all).

My take on your situation is that while you and your dad love each other, you don’t really “get” each other. There’s a pretty high probability that he won’t be able to accept your news in the way that you’ll convey it. Your mother, however, loves and gets both of you; who better to act as an emotional translator?

Once you tell your mother this, consider it done. Go forward assuming he knows on some level. I don’t foresee any talks about the men you dated prior to marrying your wife, but I doubt that would have happened in any circumstance. I think the tangible difference will be your not having to hide evidence of your sexuality anymore. That may be the closest you can get to him on this aspect of your life.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

July 10, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I am 20 years old and semi-closeted. I say “semi” because while there are a handful of people who know I am bi, there are also a handful of people who seem to suspect that I am a lesbian, and a few large handfuls of people who assume that I am straight and “just quirky about Charlize Theron, among other things.” I mean if they ever bothered to ask, I’d tell them, but these things don’t just come up in conversation on an everyday basis, ya know?

O.K., O.K., a lot of this is on me. I’m awkward about the labels. I wish this could be done telepathically. Anyway, I am not in school, have limited transportation options, and live in a smallish town although I am sort of close to DC –- just not close enough. There is no LGBT group in my area and I’m beginning to feel like I’m the only queer girl in my entire town. Any advice for getting out and socializing? I feel like I need a bisexual bat signal.

-Mary

Before we begin, I’d like to announce that I am forming a garage punk band called Bisexual Bat Signal. I will be the drummer. Obviously.

All right, back to you. I hate to agree, but a decent chunk of this is on you. Ask yourself: Why don’t I want people to know that I’m bi? Giving that a good think will open your eyes to why you might be sabotaging yourself.

Then, ask yourself: Why do I want people to know that I’m bi? Let your answers motivate you. Once you commit to wanting folks to know, you need to get a few of those bi buttons that only queer people understand. These include, “Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and I took both,” “It’s the chemistry, not the plumbing,” and, of course, “It’s not a phase, it’s my life.” There’s your bat signal. Please be prepared, though, for straight friends to ask about them, too.

You say there are no LGBT groups anywhere near you…yeah, I’m not convinced. A quick Google search turns up many queer community groups in Virginia and Maryland. (As always, check BiNet’s map first for bi groups across the country.) Beyond that, you can find local LGBT groups in Unitarian Universalist churches, on MeetUp.com, through volunteer opportunities –- the list goes on. Look harder.

As for dating, the absolute best thing you can do is optimize your transportation situation. When you don’t live in a city but you want to socialize with other queers, you need a car. If you can’t afford one, cut off your cable TV or take an additional part-time job. I’m serious –- this is social life or death. Remember that most of the people you’ll meet through online dating will live in DC and just about all of them will expect you to meet them in the city.

The bottom line is that you’re going to have to put the effort into finding queer community. It’s out there but it’s not going to fall into your lap. In the immortal words of the great RuPaul, you betta WORK.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

June 26, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Wild Deuces, Tiggy is answering three letters this bi-week because she’s feeling quick and dirty. She’s ruthlessly doling out the tough love, so brace yourselves. This ain’t gonna be pretty.

Hey Tiggy,

I’ve been with a particular man for several years now. Deeply in love, we seem to have faded off into a relationship that used to be VERY unhealthy, but has been gradually getting better, though it’s taken almost two years.

The problem now is that I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m strongly attracted to women. I’m bisexual but I find women more attractive physically. I’ve wanted to have a physical relationship with a woman for a while now, but my other half isn’t open to the idea of bringing another female into the bedroom for a night. I’m hoping these feelings don’t disrupt our relationship, but it’s hard to confine them, and mentioning this would be a death warrant. What to do?

Crossing my fingers with all the luck and hope in the world…

-Crossroads

This previously VERY unhealthy (emphasis yours) relationship has been only gradually improving over two years, you don’t want your feelings to disrupt your relationship (read that over a few times to see what’s wrong there), you’re under the impression that expressing your desires to your boyfriend would be –- your words –- “a death warrant,” and you’re putting all your chips on luck and hope.

Doesn’t it seem like you shouldn’t have to work this hard for a partnership to function? Shouldn’t you have more keeping the two of you together than fear and emotional sunk costs? Crossroads, isn’t it over?

Dear Tiggy,

I’m a 22-year-old female who has always identified as hetero. Over the past few years, however, I’ve enjoyed masturbating to threesome girl-on-girl porn. I am also interested in sleeping with a woman or having a threesome.

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, whom I love and am extremely passionate about for four years. I’m really happy in this relationship and I’ve told him about my female fantasies. We’ve agreed to have a threesome, but haven’t found the right girl yet. Who knew it would be so hard?

A little over a month ago, we started talking about marriage. Since then, I’ve been feeling more anxious about my sexuality and fantasies. Though I’ve never actually met a woman I’d like to be with and I’ve never experienced with a woman the same pang of desire that I get when I meet a man I’m attracted to, I’m worried that someday I’m going to wake up married to my awesome man and realize that I want to be with women. Is this crazy? I realize that I want to do this threesome to experience a fun adventure with my boyfriend, but also to explore my sexuality and figure out if there’s more to my fantasies than just sex.

Is it possible to explore same-sex urges while remaining in a committed heterosexual relationship? Am I just scared to get married or is there more to these fantasies that I need to address?

-Bewildered

You’re not ready to get married. Your brain is manically, desperately spelling this out to you in semaphore. Address that with your partner first, and the threesome quandary will sort itself out.

Dear Tiggy,

I had a dream that I made out with a girl and we had a secret relationship. Then I woke up and realized that I enjoyed the dream. Does that make me a bisexual?

-Kelly

No. I’m sorry. Keep trying.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

June 12, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’m 15 years old and just started to fully accept that I’m bi within the past year. All of my friends know and pretty much the whole school knows, too. I have faced some bullying but was always able to brush it off, say something witty, make them look stupid, and leave them babbling as they ran away in defeat.

Right now, I have a girlfriend and even though it’s only been a month, I love her very much. For our one-month anniversary, I thought it would be a nice surprise if I told my mom about is. My mom had asked me once or twice if I was a lesbian but I never wanted to tell her anything for fear that she wouldn’t accept me.

Because I couldn’t talk to her face-to-face, I wrote her a long letter explaining everything. Even though she replied that it is OK if I’m not straight, she basically told me that she does not accept my lifestyle, that I have no clue what I’m even saying, and that I’m just setting myself up for bad things in the future. I told her that I know what I’m getting into but she just tells me over and over that I have no clue.

I feel like she hates me and I keep beating myself up over it because it was stupid of me to tell her anything. But what happened happened, and there is no going back. Now I’m trying to find things to help her understand who I am. Are there any websites or anything that you could please give me to make it easier to explain to her? I could use a lot of help right now.

-Kitty

I’m sorry that your coming out to your mom didn’t go so well. But I’m ordering you to stop beating yourself up and start patting yourself on the back. You totally came out! You’ve successfully deflected bullying! You have a girlfriend who you love! You’re doing great!

And while I don’t know you or your mom, please trust me on this because I’m 100% sure: your mom does not hate you. She’s worried about you and she wants to protect you. You’re smart to want to give her resources because it sounds like she’s not sure how to wrap her head around all this.

Ask her to read this letter. It’s from a father of five specifically to parents whose child has just come out as bi. There’s lots of good info in there. Suggest to her that she surf around the rest of the Bisexual Resource Center’s website, too, for more ideas and thoughts on bisexuality in general.

Then, show her the website for PFLAG –- Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Don’t let the name throw you; this preeminent support organization for parents and friends of queer people is bi-friendly. Not only does PFLAG offer excellent information, but it also provides peer-led support groups all over the country. When she’s ready, help your mom find the local PFLAG chapter and encourage her to attend. She’ll meet other parents like her who have gone through a child coming out to them. They can relate to her and guide her through this process.

Keep your head up, Kitty. It was a sweet idea for an anniversary present, and maybe it didn’t go over like a tickertape parade but you’re on the right track. It’s clear that your mother loves you and wants the best for you. Give her some resources and a little time to adjust. I have a good feeling about this.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

May 29, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I don’t fancy any men, but I admit to, on the odd times, going to gay bars when traveling. I also, once in a while, go to gay/bisexual saunas where I give some men hand jobs. I just like both the look and feel of a man’s private parts. I know I fancy the females…am I bi or what?

-U.K. Stevie

Dear Tiggy,

I’m a 33-year-old male and I have been married to my wife for about seven years. Unfortunately, I haven’t been faithful throughout the course of our marriage. Perhaps the lack of fidelity is my only real issue and everything else is just moot.

I am extremely attracted to and aroused by my wife, and yet I still have urges to be with men. My wife knows that I had a short sexual relationship with a man before we got married, but I’ve always told her that I was just lonely and being sexually adventurous at the time.

Although I find myself aroused by the male body and genitals, I’m still not sure that I’m really bisexual. I have issues with kissing men, for instance. I’m just not interested in that kind of intimacy with another guy.

I would never leave my wife, but I don’t think I would ever be interested in or capable of a loving relationship with another male. I don’t want to snuggle with another guy or show any signs of affection. I want to have more sex with my wife, and I usually start having desires for men when I haven’t had sex with her in a long time (i.e. a week or so). Am I bisexual or just overly sexual?

-FunTonight69@…

Dear Tiggy,

At school recently, I’ve had a crush on this girl (I’m a guy). With girls, I think about relationships. There is also this guy at school who I think is hotter than everyone, but with him I just want to get on to the you-know-what part instead of the relationship part. The weird thing is, I think the guy is way hotter and sexier than the girl. Am I gay, straight, bi, or just bi-curious?

-Frustrated

Folks, for once and for all: I cannot tell you what your sexuality label is. I’m sure it would be a lot easier for some of you if Tiggy were some sort of sexuality slot machine but she isn’t. The only person who can identify your sexuality is you.

Your sexuality label is a socially-constructed concept, not unlike race. (Repeat: your sexuality label, not your sexuality.) For a better understanding of the implications of this, please read this terrific article from the Fall 2011 issue of Good Magazine. In it, the author describes what race — or “ethnic background label,” if you will — he would be in different places and times. It’s funny to think that you’d be considered a different race depending on where and when you existed, but it’s true. Sexuality labels work similarly; perhaps you’ve even heard someone say, “If I were younger, I think I would identify as bisexual.” Figuring out which label works for you can be particularly complicated for those of us who are “mixed.”

Check out this advice that I gave to someone trying to find her own label. For you three in particular, you might consider identifying as “heteroromantic bisexuals.” That means that you’re interested in romantic relationships with the opposite sex but are open to sexual relationships with all sexes.

P.S. FunTonight69@…, your third sentence? Probably. And a first step in turning over a new leaf might be to stop using FunTonight69 as your handle.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

May 15, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I recently found out that my husband of seven years has been viewing bi porn. I had my suspicions that he may have these tendencies but we are in a monogamous, loving, hetero marriage.

We are currently in counseling because I was overwhelmed with having this in front of my face and felt betrayed. I’m angry and afraid that this might destroy our relationship, and because he never really admitted it to me, even though I questioned him over the years.

Now it is out, and our therapist is very optimistic that we can overcome it and stay married and faithful. I’m dealing with my confusion and coming from a place of kindness instead of insecurity and resentment. I am convinced that my husband truly loves and is devoted to me and our wonderful life together.

In your opinion, is this a common bump in the road that we can grow and recover from? Can he fight his urges and remain faithful to me? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I just need to be able to set aside my fears in a positive, understanding way and drop the whole thing. We both want our marriage to last forever and he is willing to not view the things he knows would upset me. He realizes it is deceitful even though there is no physical acting out.

I am hopeful that with continued therapy, we can sort all this out and move beyond it. I respect your honest opinion and need to know that we are on the right path.

—Sea Dubbs

Communicating with honesty and kindness and working with a trained therapist is the right path no matter what, I’d say.

Yes, bisexuals are capable of monogamy. You’re one of my many readers who has confused bisexuality with polyamory. One doesn’t necessarily go with the other. Here, read this.

However, there’s an important unanswered question: can your husband identify his sexuality? The fact that he views bisexual pornography is not a definitive indicator to whether he is –- or isn’t –- bisexual, straight, or gay. Perhaps he knows how he identifies but hasn’t been honest with you because he’s afraid you’ll shame him, think he’s abnormal, be disappointed, or make him stop looking at porn.

Each couple comes up with their own terms for cheating; I think it’s time for you to reevaluate yours. Do you want your husband to eschew all porn, or just anything that indicates he’s other than heterosexual? If it’s the latter, would your opinion change if you accept that his preferred pornography is not the final judgment on his sexuality? Do you understand that even if you banned male porn for him, he can still use his imagination?

Do you fantasize about people, situations, and sexual acts that you would never want to experience in real life? If so, then why can’t your husband do the same?

My point is that mutually defining your terms for cheating is fair game, but you may have crossed a line. You cannot control him and it’s unfair for you to try. In fact, it will likely backfire as he does what he wants anyway and lies to you about it.

I think for him to be honest with you, he needs to know that you won’t try to control him, particularly using faulty information on sexuality. Show him that you’re willing to work toward that; I bet he’ll return the favor by eventually telling you who and what he’s really attracted to. And with the right information, you won’t feel threatened by it.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

May 1, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’m being bullied for my sexuality, but it’s tricky: I’m a bisexual 14-year-old in northeast Louisiana. Recently, I came out to a friend who I trusted, but they told the entire school. Now that everyone knows I’m bi, I’ve been picked on for acting feminine. I’ve also been called things such as “faggot” and “whore” in front of teachers, who all turn their heads as the kids continue to bully me.

I would try to tell a counselor but my school is a predominantly Christian, homo/biphobic place. Not one adult there supports the LGBT community. Though I’m a larger, more muscular type of person, I’m very mellow, so I am trying not to let them instigate a fight. However, some students have tried to start fights and have threatened me.

What do I do?

—Special K

There are two major things to know:

You are not alone.

In December, a 17-year-old girl in Massachusetts was beaten up for being bi. The BRC made this video for her, and for all of the bullied bi kids out there. You can use the resources we talk about in the video to answer the questions you might have about being bi and to connect with our community. There are hundreds of thousands of us; in fact, bisexuals are the biggest group in the queer community. We’re here for you, Special K.

And you’re not alone as a bullied teen, either. Watch David Aponte’s video where he talks about being picked on for stupid reasons and then having adults at his school react inappropriately. Sound familiar? This happened and still happens to so many of us. The good news is that a confluence of events – including the many “It Gets Better” videos on YouTube, which you should also watch – has brought the issue of bullying to the forefront in this country and it’s not acceptable for adults to ignore it anymore. Which brings us to the second point…

You cannot go through this alone.

You have to tell your parents.

Hold up – you don’t have to come out to them. You just need to tell them that you’re being bullied. Tell them that random kids are calling you names and trying to get you to fight them. If they ask why kids are calling you “faggot” or saying that you act feminine, you can say: 1.) you don’t know, 2.) they’re jerks, 3.) they don’t even know what they’re talking about, or 4.) all of the above. Your parents already know that kids act like this, and that’s why they probably won’t even ask anyway.

I’m really hoping that your school is public because there are certain government standards by which they must abide. This law in Louisiana requires “local school boards to adopt policies prohibiting harassment, intimidation and bullying by students and protecting students and employees who report such incidents.” Your parents can bring this up at a school committee meeting or in a private meeting with your principal. I know it’s beyond embarrassing to have people at school know that your parents are sticking up for you, but they probably won’t know at all. It’s not like your parents are calling other kids’ parents.

In short, they need to bring this to the school’s attention and politely point out that the administration is required by law to do something. The school might then create a student-led anti-bullying group, show the movie “Bully” to the students and faculty, or hold some other awareness-raising program. Trust me, they’ll do something. They can be as backward as they want but let me tell you, there’s not a school in America that wants angry parents, bad press, or questions from government funders about whether they’re following the law. And once your school puts a focus on anti-bullying, the teachers will stop pretending that they don’t see it happening.

Here are some fantastic resources that your parents might be interested in: http://www.stopbullyinglouisiana.org/resources. Please tell them today, and let me know how it goes.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

April 17, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

I’m a 21-year old bi woman who hasn’t figured out how to be out there, if that makes any sense. I grew up in a socially conservative town and an immigrant family. The country my parents emigrated from barely had a feminist revolution, let alone an LGBT one. They are, fortunately, relatively open-minded.

The point is, there wasn’t much room for experimentation when I was growing up. Even having very short hair was breaking an established norm, one that I broke with absolute relish. I’m now attending a college that is the complete opposite – very liberal, and a sexually open student body. I’ve met LGBT people who have been out for years.

One thing I realized in this new environment was that while the straight student body was all about questioning and breaking gender norms, many lesbians and bisexual women identified as butch or femme, and put enormous weight on those identities. This was new to me. I’d never paid much attention to my appearance; I wore whatever clothes were on hand. The prospect of, say, joining a baseball team is as alien to me as dolling up my face is. As to the people I’m attracted to, they include anyone – butches, femmes, “feminine” men, androgynous people, etc.

I really want to make a real connection with someone but I worry that I’m too invisible and passive for that to ever happen. I know that I am bi but should I figure out how to wear it?

—Mandy

Girl, if I’m not gonna make you pick a gender to date, I’m sure as hell not gonna make you pick a gender to wear.

Your friends may have been out for years but it sounds like they’re developmentally in a similar place as you: figuring out who they are and what they like. Lots of folks do that through experimentation. There’s also a common feeling of needing to “prove” to yourself that you’re part of a group, so you might start out a bit more extreme in your visible affiliation, whether through style or mannerisms. Once you’re more secure in your identity, you tend to tone it down a bit.

And yet, we can’t write off interest in the whole butch/femme/andro dynamic as a phase, since it continues to play out among queer adults of all ages. Interestingly, it seems to vary by geography. Even more interestingly, LBT women constantly complain about how limiting the dynamic can be, even as they participate in it.

Sociology aside, you can feel free to try on these different identities yourself, or feel just as free not to. If you’re only concerned that not subscribing to one will render you invisible to potential dates, then I’d say that you should work on other ways of being out. If you’re worried that not committing to one will make you unattractive to your love interests, don’t give it another thought. Lots of people out there are going to love Mandy for Mandy, with or without a studded belt. Trust.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.

April 3, 2012

Posted on by asktiggy

Dear Tiggy,

For years, I’ve wondered what it’s like to go down on another man. Thought about it, fantasized about it, watched porn about it, even obsessed about it while being in a straight, long term, and committed relationship. I like to wear lipstick and used to like dressing and speaking as a women, i.e. posing as a woman and providing phone sex to men. I was pretty good at it and liked doing it, but then I’d think “I’m insanely stressed right now, I’ll get past this.” And eventually, I did.

At this point, I haven’t cross-dressed in years, nor have I worn lipstick in years, although I still have some hidden. The one thing that hasn’t gone away is my need for men but I’ve never acted on my desire for them. (Believe me, I’m still attracted to women.) If I’m bi and in Los Angeles, where do I go and how do I go about telling a man I want to go down on him? On a larger scale, how do I begin to live more authentically?

By the way, my Christian church has a thing about homosexuality of any kind. They’d literally burn me like a witch if they knew I thought like this and had these kinds of demons burning inside.

—The Baztard

I think we’ve located the problem. It’s your church.

Why do you choose to be part of a community that would hate your guts if they actually knew you? Why wouldn’t you walk away from a group of people who give you the choice of either being ostracized for being your normal, healthy self or hiding your true nature and being miserable? Maybe you grew up in this church and it’s all you know, but Buddy, something’s got to give here. For years, you’ve been back and forth about whether you want to fulfill your desires, and I’d say the reason you feel so conflicted is because you’re peppered with constant messages that these desires – and you! – are demonic. There’s no way that that doesn’t affect you.

Actively fill up your life with people and things that love everything about the real you – or would, if you shared it with them. Make it so there is zero room for those that cast shame upon you. Start going to one of these churches instead. If church is a big part of your life, transitioning to a new one will be tough at first. But deprogramming from the hate and living an authentic life is going to make you feel so, so much better.

Oh, and: ManHunt.com or Craigslist.org’s Casual Encounters.

© 2012 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.