Dear Tiggy,
My local bi support groups are divided by gender. I’m bi and trans, and a bit uncomfortable with picking which one to attend. De-legitimize my gender and hang out with my ladies? Feel uncomfortable as always in a room full of other men? Should I start my own all-inclusive support group? Ask the bisexual center for help? I’m in a quandary. What would you do, Tiggy?
-Mack
As stoked as I am to hear that you have even one local bi support group, never mind more than one, I agree that it can be disheartening when queer groups break up by gender. I find that LGBT entities tend to divide this way because their social opportunities (e.g. bars, clubs) are attractive to either gays or lesbians, not both. But dang, you’d think bisexuals would see the beauty in making sure folks of all genders share their feelings — and their lives! — with each other.
It’s even more problematic for transgender people for the reasons that you imply. True, people of different genders experience bisexuality in their own unique way and may want to connect with those who have a first-hand understanding of that. But dividing into groups based on one piece of our demographic profile denies so many of us the intersectionality of our identities, and the feeling that we’ve found a space where we can be our whole selves.
If I were you, I’d attend the next male and female bi meetings and bring up my concerns. I’d ask if others felt the same way and whether they would be open to reconfiguring the groups based on something other than gender. If a majority of people feel the need for a change, you can go to the bisexual center and ask if you might re-divide the groups based only on time and place of meetings. If fewer than a majority are into switching things up with the current crews, then lead the way to greatness by starting your own all-inclusive assembly. I’ll bet the bisexual center, along with any local trans and genderqueer groups, will be happy to help you realize your gender-holistic vision.
© 2013 Tiggy Upland. Tiggy Upland reserves the right to use all submitted queries anonymously, in any medium.